Finding a Gentle Anchor: Healing My Mornings After Suicide Loss
When you are walking through the heavy, complex landscape of suicide loss, just waking up and facing a new day can feel like an overwhelming hurdle. The morning often brings a sudden, sharp wave of reality. It is completely natural if your first thoughts upon opening your eyes are filled with exhaustion, anxiety, or deep grief.
In my work as a clinician—and as someone who sits in this space with you as a 34-year survivor of suicide loss myself—I know exactly how daunting those early hours can be. Having lost four loved ones to suicide over my lifetime, I had to learn firsthand how to rebuild a life from the ground up.
Throughout my personal healing journey, establishing a regular morning routine became my absolute cornerstone. It wasn't about achieving a rigid sense of productivity, "hustle," or pretending that everything was okay. It was about creating a gentle anchor—a safe harbor for my mind and heart before the weight of the world rushed in. When our world has been shattered by trauma, predictability and small, self-directed acts of kindness can slowly help regulate a highly sensitive nervous system.
If you are looking for a tender framework to help steady your own mornings, the teachings of Louise Hay offer beautiful, compassionate micro-habits. Louise Hay was a pioneer in the self-help movement and an influential author who dedicated her life to helping people cultivate deep self-kindness, self-love, and healing. She believed that how we greet ourselves in the morning shapes how we carry our burdens throughout the day.
Below are 10 morning habits inspired by her teachings, adapted for those of us navigating the unique path of bereavement. Please take only what resonates with your heart today, and give yourself permission to leave the rest:
1. Wake Up with Space and Gratitude
Try setting your alarm just 10 to 15 minutes earlier than usual to avoid immediately rushing your nervous system into survival mode. Before your feet even touch the floor, pause. Acknowledge your bed, your night's rest, and the simple, profound fact that your body made it through the night to a new day.
2. Delay Phone Use and Center Yourself
Avoid checking your phone, emails, or the news right away. The external world can wait. Instead, take a few slow, gentle breaths to ground yourself in the present moment, anchoring your awareness firmly inside your room.
3. Set a Gentle Morning Affirmation
Start the day by consciously choosing a supportive, protective thought before old thought loops take over. This doesn't have to be overly cheerful; it can be something as simple and protective as, "Today I start my day with peace, purpose, and total kindness toward myself."
4. Practice Micro-Gratitude
When the big picture feels too painful to look at, zoom in very close. Acknowledge small, immediate blessings right around you—such as the morning light coming through the window, the rhythm of your breath, a soft pillow, or clean sheets. This helps gently shift your internal climate.
5. Practice Compassionate Mirror Work
Go to the bathroom mirror, look gently into your own eyes, and offer yourself words of validation and love. When grief makes us feel disconnected from ourselves, looking in the mirror and saying, "I am here for you, and I love you," builds a crucial sense of self-intimacy and self-worth.
6. Express Love for Your Body
Grief lives in the body, often manifesting as physical tension or exhaustion. Place your hand over your heart, take a deep breath, and mentally or verbally thank your body for holding you, breathing for you, and carrying you through this incredibly difficult time.
7. Hydrate Gently
Drink a glass of plain water (optionally with warm lemon) first thing in the morning. Think of this as a small act of physical nursing—gently waking up your organs and supporting your physical well-being from the inside out.
8. Journal or Write Freely
Spend 5 to 10 minutes writing down whatever is in your heart. You can dump your heavy feelings, list your anxieties, or note down small things you appreciate. Putting pen to paper helps clear mental blocks and holds a safe space for your absolute internal truth.
9. Engage in Gentle Movement and a Steady Breakfast
Do 2 to 5 minutes of light stretching or mindful movement to let stagnant energy flow through your body. Follow this with a simple, nourishing breakfast like fruit, oats, or an egg to ensure your body has the physical fuel it needs to process heavy emotions.
10. Release Control and Practice Stillness
Spend a few moments in quiet meditation. Sit quietly with your grief and your breath. Allow yourself to just be, without needing to fix, change, or solve anything in this exact moment.
Please remember to be incredibly tender with yourself as you navigate these mornings. Some days, a full routine will feel comforting and accessible. Other days, simply taking one conscious, deep breath before getting out of bed is a massive victory. There is no right or wrong way to heal—there is only your way.
About the Author
Jayne Madigan is the Founder of Healing After Suicide, Author, Speaker, and Retreat Facilitator. Having navigated the journey of suicide loss for more than 34 years after experiencing multiple suicide losses in her own life, Jayne has dedicated her work to helping suicide loss survivors move from surviving to healing.
Through her writing, workshops, retreats, and support programs, she helps survivors honor their grief, reconnect with hope, and discover that healing is possible—even after profound loss.
If you are walking this path, I would love to hear from you in the comments below. What does your morning look like right now, and which of these micro-habits feels like something you could gently invite into your space tomorrow?